Erisianna Awash With Red-Rimmed Eyes
National marijuana consumption has hit an all-time high, with alarming results, a new poll has found.
1. "My factory's productivity is down ten percent since marijuana was decriminalized," complains employer Samuel McAlpin. "And the number of thefts from the candy machine is off the scale. This so-called 'pot' needs to be banned in all public places. Let the junkies do what they want at home, but not in my workplace."
2. "Whoa, dude, no need to get, like, you know," says Free Your Mind campaigner Stephanie Nagasawa, from his parents' basement. "This is, like, a personal choice issue, you know. It's like... whoa, just back off what I want to do with my own body. Don't let the fascists win, man. There are some hot new eckies coming in soon, they should be legal too."