Andrea Coelho (maidden) wrote,
Andrea Coelho
maidden
  • Mood: nauseated

Ugh...

I think I might have an eating disorder... I've gotten into this vicious cycle where I'll eat like there's no tomorrow until I feel really sick, but do everything I can so I don't throw up, because that would mean I'm bulimic. Then starve myself off for a few days, partly out of guilt, partly to compensate for "screwing up my diet". Then, after practically fasting for a while, I'll feel that I deserve a treat and go eat something I like, but have no control over how much and stuff myself until I feel sick again...

This isn't good...

And you know what's worse? I always used to pride myself on the fact that I didn't care so much about my looks that I'd hurt myself just to look better, but the realization that I'm not above doing such things is wrecking whatever shred of self-esteem I had left. Now I feel like I'm just another stupid, shallow teen with an eating disorder.
Tags: issues
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