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Artsy me - by Micha

'Tis the season...

mood: nostalgic nostalgic
music: Emotionless by Good Charlotte
It was a few weeks before Christmas 6 years ago, setting up the tree... I had just begun studying with JWs, and apparently we hadn't gotten to the no-holidays part of it, so I still celebrated. It was such a big deal to me... I can't even remember why anymore.

I opened the box containing our huge fake plastic tree, set up the tripod, sorted the branches according to size and stuck them in the appropriate holes of the trunk, then pulled out the box with the decorations and proceeded to carefully choose the location of each red and silver ball, each tiny Santa, each tiny gift box and angel and reindeer and everything else. I must've spent almost an hour just doing this, because I felt it was important that the decoration was perfectly distributed on the tree. And even though our tree was 6 feet tall, it was positively covered with decoration, front and back, what with the silver and gold strings wrapped around it...

I stepped back and was, for once, pleased with the job I had done. Perfectionist me was satisfied. It looked great, and I had done it all by myself. Because dad had been on the computer all along, didn't bother to help me, and mom was on the phone avoiding dad, since she probably had found out about his already huge (for the time) collection of porn on the computer. And I couldn't get either of them to stop fighting for a few minutes to set up the stupid Christmas tree with me.

So I turned on the lights that blinked along with the Christmas music it played, watched for a minute or two and went to my room, and I haven't celebrated Christmas since.
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Posted on Dec. 14th, 2004 at 03:04 pm | | Leave a comment | 10 comments | | Flag

Comments


simply_elegant

hugz!
congrats on sticking to the truth for so long. I have been a JW my whole life, but I struggle every single day of my life. I know you do the same. We all do.
just keep doing your best & you'll be alright.
Posted on Dec. 14th, 2004 11:32 am (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

maidden

Thank you!
Posted on Dec. 18th, 2004 08:24 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

zoisitedevalois

It's hard... This is the first year I'm not celebrating Christmas... And my parents are -extremely- upset about it... They were pretty angry about Thanksgiving, and this is even worse... But they're starting to accept it... I miss putting up the tree, it was my favorite thing to do, because we've always had three of them... One beautiful one in all white in the front window that my mom and I just do, and one colorful fun one in the family room (the back of the house) that the whole family spends a night doing, and a small one downstairs that my brother and I always decorated together... My brother seems slightly bitter about the fact that I don't come to family holiday celebrations anymore, but I think at the same time he's looking at it that he is going to get more presents since my family isn't buying for me now... I was driving home the other night, and seeing all the lights on people's houses got me slightly choked up -- it's so beautiful, all the white lights along the roofline, and the pretty icicle ones hanging from the gutters.... and I got rather misty-eyed... And I know it's just Satan dressing up as an angel of light... but it's hard... Knowing people like you that have gone through what I have, that are willing to lend an ear, and a heart to reach out to me and help me with the difficult times... I don't think I say it enough -- and you all comment in my journal on a regular basis, and I don't say thank you as much as I should... So thank you ^^
Posted on Dec. 14th, 2004 01:22 pm (UTC) | | Thread | Reply

fuyu

Yeah it's really difficult sometimes, I agree. It's been 5 years for me since I celebrated Xmas. My family was also really hard on me too. They've gotten over it though. Now that I have a daughter though, it's gotten a bit tough.

The lights are so pretty especially at night. It's such a shame that they only use these lights just for this specific holiday. Why not when it's not Xmas? -_- Too much electricity I guess. But still, it's pretty- no doubt about it.
Posted on Dec. 15th, 2004 01:20 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

maidden

I've become so critical of it it's not even funny. I still occasionally find some of the lights pretty, but they have to be *very* well done or I can't get over the hypocrisy and commercialization of it...
Posted on Dec. 18th, 2004 08:30 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

bluesapphires

Well I'm proud of you! That's half the battle knowing where it comes from. That it is just Satan appealing to our sense of prettiness. But Jehovah is more pretty. And the stars in the heavens at night are more pretty too. Did you get to see any of the Geminids meteor shower the other night? When I came back into the truth three and a half years ago I laid out under the summer sky on the night when the Pleatides (spelling?) meteor shower came through, on an air mattress with a pillow and a blanket. It was a perfect clear night and I just stared up into the heavens waiting to see shooting stars. Well after awhile it dawned on me that I was practically staring into Jehovah's face, so as I laid there waiting I had a lovely conversation with Him, and every one I saw I would tell Jehovah what a joy it was. Well as the night got very late, my eyelids got very heavy and I told Jehovah I had to go to sleep but I wanted to see just one more and then I would close my eyes. Just then, the biggest one of the night streaked across the sky! It just about made my heart burst. Jehovah is so beautiful! Still makes me get misty eyed just thinkin' about it!
So tttttthhhhhhhhhhhbbbbbbbbtttttttt on Satan and his yukky ol' xmas lites, right?
Posted on Dec. 15th, 2004 01:21 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

rollxtoxme

agh, that almost made me cry. all of you are a big inspiration to me and those around you. always remember you're pleasing jehovah above anyone else and that's the best thing you could ever do. :] ♥♥♥
Posted on Dec. 15th, 2004 08:13 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

maidden

That got even me misty eyed... wow... Too bad I live in the city, I hardly ever get too see more than a few stars =/
Posted on Dec. 18th, 2004 08:32 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

eese

wow, that gave me goosebumps! what a beautiful experience.

don't ANY of us ever give up on Jehovah! it is such a struggle sometimes. i think being in the end of the last days now, Satan is slamming all of us harder than ever trying to make us break.

(btw, hello everyone. i'm Eese. nice to meet you!)
Posted on Dec. 19th, 2004 01:19 pm (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply

maidden

You're welcome, hon. It was hard for me at first too, it gets easier in time, don't worry.
Posted on Dec. 18th, 2004 08:27 am (UTC) | | Parent | Thread | Reply