Andrea Coelho (maidden) wrote,
Andrea Coelho
maidden

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Rant (but it's ok, it's about my mom this time)

So mom comes to visit from Curitiba. She's staying for about 2 weeks. And she brought me clothes, so yay! I go try them on and realize how much of a mess my head/heart/emotions have been. Why, you ask? My mother didn't mention how incredibly beautiful I looked in each of the dresses I tried and that made me consider suicide.

No, I'm not some sort of attention freak. I don't spend hours in front of mirrors marvelling at the perfection that I am, because I'm not! I'm very much aware of my flaws and I'm sure other people are too, just like they're aware of their own flaws (at least most of them...). But that's my mommy! I remember a time she thought I was the most beautiful thing there was on Earth and, maybe, beyond! I'm entitled to feel a little sad when she finally realizes I'm not perfect at all, which I think she did. But the problem is: it feels like, if she's not "ooh"ing and "aah"ing me along, I just end up and emotional wreck!

I'm not the kind of person who seeks approval all the time. I DO wear/do/act like whatever I like even if other people don't think much of it, if my mood's right. And of course I like people to like me for what I wear and do, but mostly for who I am, so I figure I'm quite well-balanced that way. BUT THAT'S MY MOM!!! She's supposed to know I have flaws (physical, emotional and character flaws) and come to terms with that. 'Cause if my mommy doesn't think I'm beautiful, who will?

It's not like she put me down or anything. That's what worries me. I guess anybody would feel terrible if their mothers suddenly started to treat them like they're not good enough, but that's not what she did. She just didn't make sure to tell me how much she loved those dresses on me. That's why I think I'm the one with the problem.
Tags: issues, parents, rant
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