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Artsy me - by Micha

Rant (but it's ok, it's about my mom this time)

So mom comes to visit from Curitiba. She's staying for about 2 weeks. And she brought me clothes, so yay! I go try them on and realize how much of a mess my head/heart/emotions have been. Why, you ask? My mother didn't mention how incredibly beautiful I looked in each of the dresses I tried and that made me consider suicide.

No, I'm not some sort of attention freak. I don't spend hours in front of mirrors marvelling at the perfection that I am, because I'm not! I'm very much aware of my flaws and I'm sure other people are too, just like they're aware of their own flaws (at least most of them...). But that's my mommy! I remember a time she thought I was the most beautiful thing there was on Earth and, maybe, beyond! I'm entitled to feel a little sad when she finally realizes I'm not perfect at all, which I think she did. But the problem is: it feels like, if she's not "ooh"ing and "aah"ing me along, I just end up and emotional wreck!

I'm not the kind of person who seeks approval all the time. I DO wear/do/act like whatever I like even if other people don't think much of it, if my mood's right. And of course I like people to like me for what I wear and do, but mostly for who I am, so I figure I'm quite well-balanced that way. BUT THAT'S MY MOM!!! She's supposed to know I have flaws (physical, emotional and character flaws) and come to terms with that. 'Cause if my mommy doesn't think I'm beautiful, who will?

It's not like she put me down or anything. That's what worries me. I guess anybody would feel terrible if their mothers suddenly started to treat them like they're not good enough, but that's not what she did. She just didn't make sure to tell me how much she loved those dresses on me. That's why I think I'm the one with the problem.

Comments

*hugs*
I am thinking of you.
Thank you SO MUCH. I really hope this is just a fase...
*hugs*
Hey, I can relate. Sounds like you're used to a certain type of reaction from your mom, and she's not giving you the expected reaction - and sometimes a person can take it personally. In the same situation I'd react emotionally too. Maybe she just had other things on her mind? Hopefully if she does, she'll tell you during her visit? You just never know.

*big hugs!* :)
I guess...
*hugs*
Andi you'll be fine your stronger than you think *hug*

and your very very beautiful and don't ever wonder otherwise

If you weren't my good friend and a JW i'd hit on you *wink* lol

*hands you some of the halloween candy*
*biiiig hug*
I wuv you...
But even if I wasn't a good friend and a JW, I think I'd still be straight, though... :-P
well that was never a question...i just meant i that i personally think your very beautiful inside and out :) *hug*

(Anonymous)

aww

I'm sorry that you didn't get the attention you wanted. I hate it when that happens.. but as a parent (ok, so my daughter is only 21 months old) I sometimes forget that her clawing at my arm is NOT to hurt or annoy me, but just to cuddle. Sometimes we get so into our own world, we forget. :( sad I know. *sigh*

on the more upbeat side! I found you!! A weblog of a JW!! for once my search was not in vain!! I recently started to enjoy weblogs... well, one anyways. www.intherain.org but I have been sad at the fact that she's not a JW when I WISH so hard that she was. I JUST started to actually talk to her though, so I will try to witness in the near future. However! I am so glad I found you. :) I hope to read more in the soon!

probably after public talk and watchtower tomorrow. later!

Re: aww

Thanks for the comment... Who are you again? ;)

Actually, lots of people in my friends list are JW too, so you can meet lots of other JWs here at LJ...

Luv