Andrea Coelho (maidden) wrote,
Andrea Coelho

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Things you never want to hear a Chaos Magician say

• With some slight modification I can make it better.
• Anyone seen that talisman of mine? I seem to have misplaced it.
• Parsons was a wanker... Watch this!
• Now it's time for the triple invocation of Loki, Coyote, and Baphomet.
• Help!
• What you don't know can't hurt you, right?
• Don't worry, everything's under control.
• I know what I'm doing.
• Trust me.
• Hastur, Hastur, Hast---
• Oops
• No, I planned this, honest!
• I'm glad you asked...
• But the *theory* is sound.
• Yeah, but you should see the other guy.
• But if it's already dead, how can it be a sacrifice?
• Now if only I had some bungee cords.
• ...then Cthulu showed up.
• I really wish I had some chalk right about now.
• Everybody needs a hobby, right?
• I need a volunteer...
• It's true! It's true!
• Hold this...
• Last time, I didn't have this.
• What's this spell do?
• OK, now I'm mad.
• Want to help me charge a sigil?
• Check out what I summoned!!! *opens a box*
• *to a recently evoked demon* ... so I says to Mabel, I says ...
• And I command you to ... good lord! He's not wearing any trousers!
• *to a failed servitor* It's alright that you couldn't make it work, probably just as well. There were some children there and they get frightened when something your size isn't covered in muppet fur.
• ... Wait... How do you pronounce that holy name?
• Psst! What's my line?
• Well, I'm sure a higher ranking demon can do the job just as well.
• Damn, forgot the holy water... I'll be right back.
• *shouting over noise* THIS is precisely why I ALWAYS keep a fire extiguisher handy during demon evocations!!
• Uh, my bad.
• It wasn't me. I didn't do it. Honest.
• Hehe... Do you double-dare me?
• What do you mean it can't be done!? I'll show you...
• This needs more 'oomph!' ...Everyone, drop your pants!
• Hold on, I want to try something.
• Pedestrian - "So. What exactly is chaos magic?"
Chaote - "Well..."
5 hours later...
Chaote - "...and that's chaos magic."
• *after drawing a huge sigil and halfway chanting an incantation* Wait, that edge is supposed to be north!
• Wait a second... I didn't evoke you...
• Now that didn't sound good...
• Now this *should* work...
• It's not supposed to do that! I should know, I programmed him explicidly not to... Aargh!
• What did this old sigil represent again? Ah, what the hell...I'll try it anyway.
• *comes sprinting from his sanctum and out the front door* shitshitshitshitshit....
• Some of these seem like good ideas...
• Relax, he USED to be evil...
• I used bubble gum before and it worked.
• Nonononono, you got it all wrong, demons are actually BENEVOLENT misunderstood entities.
• Hello, 911? Yes, I'm having a bit of a problem... AAAAARGH! *head explodes*
• I command you to stop and leave this place in the name of Ye... Yez... Yeh... WHERE DID I PUT THAT BOOK??!!!???
• long story short, my computer became sentient and that's why I had to send it to Hell.
• *post invocation* Who the hell are you?
• What do you mean it's upside down?
• Umm... I'm not touching that one.
• Fly, my pretty, fly...WAIT, NOT THAT WAY!!!
• This is my friend Pan, and that's just his, ummm thingy-ma-bob.
• Any fool with a circle can evoke something from the Goetia, and all the cool kids evoke from the Necronomicon... But have you ever tried evoking from the phone book?
• Oh don't worry, I'm sure that it won't stay around forever.
• And if I fail in banishing it, I can just eat it!
• It's just my imagination. It's just my imagination. It's just... *glancing over his shoulder every 5 seconds*
• No worries! When in doubt... umm... No worries!
• Wait, I thought you *wanted* it gone.
• Hold my beer... Watch this.
• Relax, the talons are for show. It's the teeth you have to worry about.
• Am I doing this the right way?
• If it doesn't fit... Make it.
• If you keep perfectly still, it'll probably just stay under the bed.
• Beat it with a stick!
• Now what system are we using again?
• The thoery is sound, now I just need a few volunteers to help me test it out...
• Well, that was curious...
• Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, I saw this on Charmed.
• *A Chaote & Non-Chaote shake hands*
Non-Chaote: Ew, your hand is sticky!?!?
Chaote: Oh, sorry, just charged a sigil
• That's the first time I've ever seen it do that...
• Trust me, this is gonna be awesome.
• It was there when I left.
• Charizard, I choose you!
Tags: jokes

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