Andrea Coelho (maidden) wrote,
Andrea Coelho

  • Mood:

Things you never want to hear a Chaos Magician say

• With some slight modification I can make it better.
• Anyone seen that talisman of mine? I seem to have misplaced it.
• Parsons was a wanker... Watch this!
• Now it's time for the triple invocation of Loki, Coyote, and Baphomet.
• Help!
• What you don't know can't hurt you, right?
• Don't worry, everything's under control.
• I know what I'm doing.
• Trust me.
• Hastur, Hastur, Hast---
• Oops
• No, I planned this, honest!
• I'm glad you asked...
• But the *theory* is sound.
• Yeah, but you should see the other guy.
• But if it's already dead, how can it be a sacrifice?
• Now if only I had some bungee cords.
• ...then Cthulu showed up.
• I really wish I had some chalk right about now.
• Everybody needs a hobby, right?
• I need a volunteer...
• It's true! It's true!
• Hold this...
• Last time, I didn't have this.
• What's this spell do?
• OK, now I'm mad.
• Want to help me charge a sigil?
• Check out what I summoned!!! *opens a box*
• *to a recently evoked demon* ... so I says to Mabel, I says ...
• And I command you to ... good lord! He's not wearing any trousers!
• *to a failed servitor* It's alright that you couldn't make it work, probably just as well. There were some children there and they get frightened when something your size isn't covered in muppet fur.
• ... Wait... How do you pronounce that holy name?
• Psst! What's my line?
• Well, I'm sure a higher ranking demon can do the job just as well.
• Damn, forgot the holy water... I'll be right back.
• *shouting over noise* THIS is precisely why I ALWAYS keep a fire extiguisher handy during demon evocations!!
• Uh, my bad.
• It wasn't me. I didn't do it. Honest.
• Hehe... Do you double-dare me?
• What do you mean it can't be done!? I'll show you...
• This needs more 'oomph!' ...Everyone, drop your pants!
• Hold on, I want to try something.
• Pedestrian - "So. What exactly is chaos magic?"
Chaote - "Well..."
5 hours later...
Chaote - "...and that's chaos magic."
• *after drawing a huge sigil and halfway chanting an incantation* Wait, that edge is supposed to be north!
• Wait a second... I didn't evoke you...
• Now that didn't sound good...
• Now this *should* work...
• It's not supposed to do that! I should know, I programmed him explicidly not to... Aargh!
• What did this old sigil represent again? Ah, what the hell...I'll try it anyway.
• *comes sprinting from his sanctum and out the front door* shitshitshitshitshit....
• Some of these seem like good ideas...
• Relax, he USED to be evil...
• I used bubble gum before and it worked.
• Nonononono, you got it all wrong, demons are actually BENEVOLENT misunderstood entities.
• Hello, 911? Yes, I'm having a bit of a problem... AAAAARGH! *head explodes*
• I command you to stop and leave this place in the name of Ye... Yez... Yeh... WHERE DID I PUT THAT BOOK??!!!???
• long story short, my computer became sentient and that's why I had to send it to Hell.
• *post invocation* Who the hell are you?
• What do you mean it's upside down?
• Umm... I'm not touching that one.
• Fly, my pretty, fly...WAIT, NOT THAT WAY!!!
• This is my friend Pan, and that's just his, ummm thingy-ma-bob.
• Any fool with a circle can evoke something from the Goetia, and all the cool kids evoke from the Necronomicon... But have you ever tried evoking from the phone book?
• Oh don't worry, I'm sure that it won't stay around forever.
• And if I fail in banishing it, I can just eat it!
• It's just my imagination. It's just my imagination. It's just... *glancing over his shoulder every 5 seconds*
• No worries! When in doubt... umm... No worries!
• Wait, I thought you *wanted* it gone.
• Hold my beer... Watch this.
• Relax, the talons are for show. It's the teeth you have to worry about.
• Am I doing this the right way?
• If it doesn't fit... Make it.
• If you keep perfectly still, it'll probably just stay under the bed.
• Beat it with a stick!
• Now what system are we using again?
• The thoery is sound, now I just need a few volunteers to help me test it out...
• Well, that was curious...
• Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, I saw this on Charmed.
• *A Chaote & Non-Chaote shake hands*
Non-Chaote: Ew, your hand is sticky!?!?
Chaote: Oh, sorry, just charged a sigil
• That's the first time I've ever seen it do that...
• Trust me, this is gonna be awesome.
• It was there when I left.
• Charizard, I choose you!
Tags: jokes

  • On evolutionary psychology

    [SCENE: Small, suburban house on the Pleistocene savannah, maybe a million years ago. Looks suspiciously like somewhere in mid-twentieth-century…

  • 43 years later...

    'Don Corleone' captured by the police Over 42 years, "Boss of Bosses" Bernardo Provenzano became a legend in the Italian imagination; a fugitive…

  • (no subject)

    LONDON, July 24 - The British police on Sunday defended the killing of an innocent man on a subway train and a shoot-to-kill policy as Britain's…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.